Curls, clouds and code

Hi, my name is Corstian, and this is my blog where I get to publish my writings on topics such as psychology, philosophy, software development and any other thing I deem worthy to write about.

Autobiography (the short version)

My name is Corstian. I was born in ‘96 in the Netherlands, where I still live today. You happen to have stumbled upon my blog, where I share my writings which seemingly have no coherence whatsoever. In order to understand where these different topics come from I believe it is important to understand my personal background.

Youth

The way I look back at my youth is as being a dark and grim period in my life, one which I do not mind to leave behind. I have grown up in a conservative Christian family with

I look back at my youth as a grim period in my life I do not mind leaving behind. I grew up in a conservative Christian family where a protestant work ethic prevailed. The practical implication of this is that I have grown up with an absent father figure, and that life was characterized by a hypocritical version of religion only a narcissist could pull off. Because of this I have already had to mourn for their loss of my parents, even though they are still alive.

Education

The implication of this emotional neglect throughout my youth has had profound effect on my school career. The first 10 years in the school system were abhorrent for the continuous bullying I went through. The turning point in this all was that I had been placed in a class which followed the Big Picture Learning program. It’s where I have had the possibility to study the things at my own pace. This is where I seriously started studying software development on my own. Since then, I don’t think a single week has gone by that I didn’t write a single line of code. The fact that I have been coding from an early age is not something I like to wear as a badge of honour, as I recognize that my interest in coding was merely a coping mechanism.

Career

I started my first developer job straight out of high school within my fathers company. It’s not like I knew what I was getting into at all. The first years I had to learn to swim in order not to drown. Over the course of five years I have acquired in-depth knowledge about many practices related to software development, only to discover I was unable to satisfy my fathers expectations.

Mental decline

All aforementioned issues combined have slowly but surely pulled me into a severe depression which ultimately climaxed into a burnout. It’s this period that I have been addicted to several substances just to be able to keep on moving. What started out as alcohol turned into various psychedelics. Death would have had been more humane than the mental suffering I went through during that period.

Starting once again

Now that I’m in a position to look back at what happened with me I’m able to recognize the root causes of what led from one thing to another. This gives me a vantage point from where I can put other peoples misery into a broader context more easily. It’s one thing I’m hoping to achieve using this blog; to help people prevent from making the same mistakes I did. The best thing I can use my own misery for is to derive the authority to talk about issues others would rather not think about, or are too easily offended by.

When I burned out I decided to break for once and for all with the life I had lived up until that moment. From there on I started to make significant changes to my life, unsure about how they would work out. Contrary to what would seem smart when dealing with a burnout I started my own business named Whaally as a way to ensure my autonomy and freedom. With Whaally I’m offering consulting services, and I’m developing my own products, such as Skyhop.

Ps. if you would like to work together, feel free to send me a message!


I realize my views are heavily inspired by the things I have experienced myself, and do not necessarily include the experiences of others. I kindly invite anyone to engage in a respectful discussion if there is a difference of opinion.

- Corstian